💌 Hot Take: Self-Care Isn’t the Problem — How We’re Dating Is

Dating today is confusing.
We’re more self-aware than ever, more independent than ever, and more intentional than ever… yet so many people feel stuck, disconnected, or quietly lonely when it comes to dating.

This isn’t because women have “too high standards.”
And it’s not because self-care is bad.

It’s because somewhere along the way, dating became passive, and self-care became a substitute for participation.

The Era of “I’m Fine on My Own”

Women today are thriving solo and that’s POWERFUL. We’re building careers, routines, friendships, and full lives. We know how to be alone, how to regulate ourselves, how to choose peace.

But here’s the quiet truth we don’t say out loud enough:
Being capable of being alone doesn’t mean you stop wanting connection.

And yet, modern dating culture subtly encourages this idea that if you really loved yourself, you wouldn’t want anyone. That independence means emotional distance. That needing nothing is the goal.

That narrative sounds empowering but for many people, it creates emotional detachment disguised as strength.

Standards Are the Baseline; Not the Issue

Let’s be very clear:
Wanting emotional availability, respect, communication, ambition, and aligned values is not asking for too much. That is the baseline for a healthy relationship.

The issue isn’t standards.
The issue is how quickly we disengage before allowing someone to show who they are.

Dating requires interaction to assess standards.
You can’t evaluate emotional maturity without conversation.
You can’t judge consistency without time.
You can’t see alignment without presence.

Sometimes people aren’t “not it” they’re just not instantly familiar.

When Self-Care Turns Into Emotional Distance

Self-care seasons are necessary. They help you heal, reset patterns, and raise your standards.

But self-care was never meant to replace connection.

At some point, growth asks you to:

• show up again

• be seen again

• take emotional risks again

When self-care becomes constant isolation, it quietly turns into avoidance of vulnerability.

Not because you’re broken but because comfort is easier than uncertainty.

Dating Requires Openness, Not Lowering the Bar

Openness does not mean settling.
It means staying curious instead of closed.

It looks like:

• allowing conversations to unfold

• giving someone more than one interaction

• observing behavior instead of dismissing potential instantly

You can be discerning and open at the same time.

The healthiest dating mindset isn’t “anyone will do,” or “no one is good enough.”
It’s: “Let me see who you are before I decide.”

The Effort Gap in Modern Dating

One of the biggest issues in dating right now is passivity.

We expect:

• alignment without conversation

• connection without effort

• chemistry without presence

But relationships aren’t delivered, they’re built.

The right people don’t only come from manifestation and self-work.
They come from participation.

Talking. Listening. Showing interest. Giving chances. Being emotionally available enough to engage.

A Necessary Reminder

Giving someone a chance does not mean:

• ignoring red flags

• tolerating disrespect

• staying when your needs aren’t met

Openness is about observation — not endurance.

And yes, very important reminder:
If someone shows you they’re not aligned — girl, leave. Don’t over-invest. Don’t over-explain. Don’t waste your time.

Trying is healthy. Staying stuck is not.

The Real Balance

The most grounded way to date today looks like this:

• strong standards

• emotional openness

• self-awareness

• willingness to try

• confidence to walk away

That’s not contradiction; that’s maturity.

Dating isn’t about protecting yourself from everything.
It’s about learning when to lean in and when to let go.

You don’t need to abandon your routines, your standards, or your independence to find love.
You just need to let life meet you halfway.

Because dating doesn’t work when we hide behind healing.
It works when we bring our healed selves into the world.

With honesty and softness,

Ritisha
Wellness Glow Club 🌷

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